I heard a fascinating teaching regarding how men and women view their first sexual experience.
Our church did a DVD series from Laugh Your Way to a Better Marriage with Mark Gungor (I highly recommend this as it was very education and hillarious). A summary of his observations follows:
Men are visual. The entire experience they are taking snap shots of everything they see and feel and store them in their RAM as the precedent to live up to; after all, this is their only point of reference. There is generally no strong emotional connection because, well, they are men (Mark is quick to point out he is generalizing and not pigeon holing every man). After the initial experience, men generally try to recreate the initial photos they took.
Women experience sex differently because while men connect physically, women connect emotionally and associate those emotions AFTER sex has taken place. If there is no emotional association for a women (as is the case with most unmarried sexually active people), women gradually lose desire for sex because it doesn’t mean anything.
Contrast this with God’s plan. The man has to work for it, commit to it and win the girl. The girl knows the man is invested and willing to commit to her. And there’s a big celebration, a big deal and everyone is there. Everything is capped off with consummation. The man’s point of reference is just one woman, his first experience with the one person he will be with the rest of his life and the woman makes a strong emotional connection because sex actually means something. Everybody wins.
It was something I had never heard before. There is obviously a larger context and since I don’t want to restate all 5 sessions of Mark’s sessions, I’ll just recommend the DVD series again.
Grace and Peace
July 8, 2008 at 7:07 pm
I have to admit when I read the title, I thought “Do I really want to hear my little brother’s thoughts on sex? Yikes!” But actually that was really insightful and makes a lot of sense. It is also good to keep in mind when the time comes to teach our kids about abstinence. Obviously the main reason to wait is out of obedience to God, but it’s helpful to go further in emphasizing that His laws are there to protect us and better the potential of our lives. (This series seems to do this well!) There are two types of pain. One is the kind that He allows in order to refine us. It’s the cancer or the death of a loved one. The one we have no control of. The other is the pain that comes as a direct result of our sin or foolish choices. Obviously both can ultimately be used for His glory. But I just wish people would realize that they could cut their suffering in half by dealing with only the stuff God allows instead of bringing on more anquish with bad decisions. (Ok, so I also wish people would examine which of the two kinds of pain they’re suffering before belly-aching that “GOD DID THIS TO ME!” Just a pet peeve.)